It began with whispers and mumblings. “What do you think of this new disease in Wuhan?” “Will it come here?” At the beginning of the year, the effects that the COVID-19 Coronavirus outbreak would have on medical school education were inconceivable. It started with the LPC final dinner being canceled; our opportunity to say thank you to our mentors who showed us the ways in which disease affects the patient. I went in for EPIC training the following Monday and had a brief orientation to my Internal Medicine training site. We spoke, got the contact information for our team, and bade each other well for the day of work tomorrow. That evening we received an email telling us our in-person rotations would be canceled for at least the next two weeks. The decision arrived late in the night, but it would not be until the morning when we would realize the true ramifications of this decision.
After tumultuous sleep, the next morning came upon us with apprehension and dread. We were to be quarantined at home until further notice. We just stayed at home. Our education would progress through online learning modules designed to simulate the patient experience. It was a strange affair. From our first online conversation with our online course director, Dr. Younger, it was clear that this was uncharted territory for all of us. Perhaps that is the thing that made it bearable. Although the way ahead is murky, we all need to remember we are in this together. Yet, as the days pass by, without the flow of working at the hospital, they begin to blend. How effective can online medicine be for education? One day into another of waking up, reviewing, and having more time on our hands. Even with diligent study, there is still extra time in the day to be quiet and to reflect.
The dichotomy between slow days and the rapid pace at which agencies are trying to adapt to the outbreak has created friction. Many students are planning to take their Step 2 Clinical Knowledge certification exams, and yet last week half of all MD/DO students were randomly told that their examination dates were to be canceled and that rescheduling would be necessary. It becomes a harrowing experience when the forces that help certify us begin to buckle, and we students are left to hurry and wait on morsels of updates. The reality of canceled test dates, travel plans that require reorganization, and the looming specter of interview season all weigh down on us.
So the question is, how do you, the reader, feel? I am tired and feeling lost. There is a rhythm to medical school, and that rhythm provided stability. Now that life is in discord, it wears on the soul. How do we maintain our drive? There are days where I can focus and study as I should be, and there are others where I just stare at pages and retain nothing. The most that gets accomplished is some catching up on shows and art projects. Yet, the spirit of medicine is to help when you can. While the responsible thing as students is to remain at home to preserve the PPE supplies, it is juxtaposed with a desire to work and help in the hospital. Even though we are doing our best at home, there is still a feeling of guilt that afflicts us. When days drift into nights, and nights become days of anxiety, it behooves us to rely on the greatest strength of medicine, that being our unity. No matter how bad things may get, the heart of medicine is that the physician is the one who will listen. So for all those who are struggling in medicine, and those who are also feeling lost, all I can say is that this sucks. These answers are not easy, and it would be facetious to claim otherwise; yet what I can do is say, you are not alone.
Mohammad Khan is a fourth-year medical student in The University of Arizona College of Medicine – Phoenix, Class of 2021. He graduated from Arizona State University in 2014 with two bachelor's degrees in biochemistry and biology. He then worked as a teacher and completed a Master's in biomedical diagnostics in 2017. For fun, Mohammad (who also goes by Mokha) likes to practice at the archery range, work on calligraphy, game, and fountain pen writing, and read science fiction novels. He is interested in medicine with a focus on educating patients.