As I sat down to review the patient list for the day, it was hard to miss the manila folder with my name scribbled in black marker. It was stacked on top of a pile of papers on Dr. Wong’s desk, so I wasn’t sure if it was actually meant for me or if it was just some secret file about me. But before I could even consider peeking, Dr. Wong returned to his desk, tucked the papers into his drawer, and we were off to see patients for the rest of the afternoon.
Dr. Wong was my preceptor for my Community Clinical Experience (CCE) throughout my first and second years of medical school. Every other week, I spent the afternoon observing his interactions with patients, practicing my doctoring skills, and failing to speak medical Spanish. This was my first real-life clinical experience, and I was completely clueless. I started the year full of insecurity and without confidence. But because of Dr. Wong, week after week, my doubts slowly started to disappear. If I didn’t have a complete list of differential diagnoses or an evidence-based plan, he would push me to come up with one on my own, and he would teach me why my conclusions were correct or incorrect. I started to trust myself because Dr. Wong trusted me.
I learned quickly that the manila folder was my own personal “continuity of care” with his patients. Each week, printed results for imaging, pathology, or lab studies from the patients I had seen would be waiting for me to review. And even though he had already addressed these results with patients and moved on with their care, he invariably questioned me about how I thought we should move forward or if further testing was required.
I finished my CCE experience last December, and I am now a few months into my first clinical rotations of my third year. I arrived at my first day with similar feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. My CCE experience was safe and familiar, and this new place with new preceptors, patients, and processes left me feeling bound for failure and harsh scrutiny. I dug deep for the self-confidence that Dr. Wong instilled in me, and I saw a patient, wrote a note, reported my plan (including my rationale!), and survived the scrutiny. Just as before, I continued to gain more confidence each day.
Not every doctor I interact with loves teaching as much as Dr. Wong does, but a lot of them do. I have yet to find any folders with my name scribbled on the front, but I’m learning how to navigate electronic health records and follow up on my own. Honestly, I still come in most days nervous that I will be called out as an imposter or yelled at for some mistake. But I know now that there are valuable allies in the peers, residents, attendings, and patients who are excited to teach. My role over the next two years and the rest of my career is not to avoid conflict and stay in my comfort zone, but rather, it is to continue advocating for my patients and for my own education by learning from the daily guidance of my mentors.
I texted Dr. Wong a few days ago to tell him I want a redo on my CCE. Just for one day, I want to come back to the clinic and show him how much I’ve grown and how much confidence I’ve gained even in the short time I’ve been doing clinical rotations. He laughed and credited the growth to better teachers, but I count myself blessed to have had such a patient and encouraging mentor so early in my career.
Tanner Ellsworth is a member of the Class of 2021. He graduated from Brigham Young University with a major in English and a minor in Japanese. He enjoys all things cello, movies that don't have happy endings, baking shows, filing taxes, and his wife and daughter.